Friday, 11 March 2011

I knew I should NOT of worn sensible pants !!

Hello to all of my loyal blog followers.
The last time I wrote my blog I had just had my back accident. Well its a good few weeks on and things have improved slightly but I am now walking like I have had an accident in my pants. I had a good walk once, not quite a sexy wiggle but quite a ladylike strut that The Husband always said made me look confident, he now laughs at me and calls me John Wayne.
Once the pain had died down I had my first appointment at my lovely Chiropractic, he explained that I needed a treatment called Pelvic Manipulation (The Husband said he thought a good shagging would have the same benefits), once I had removed my fist from his mouth (The Husband not the Chiropract ) I went along for this rather strange treatment. What I should explain before I go any further is that I have been a regular visitor to The Back Doctor for many years so I pretty much know the whole drill. I never wear sexy underwear due to the fact that you always have to strip off and then bend over in front of him, I'm not a prude but quite frankly I wouldn't inflict my cellulite riddden arse on anyone let alone pay for the embarassment.
So with that in mind I wear what I call my sensible pants, the are just normal knickers, nothing special. I arrive at the Docs and as predicted the first thing I have to do is strip off and bend over. Feeling quite proud of myself that there must be women sitting in the waiting area in G-strings completely unaware of what awaits them I happily bend over as far as my body allows.
He checks me over and gives me the verdict and treatment process (which by the way sounds sodding painful). He leaves the room for a bit to get me an exercise sheet and some gel stuff. So there I am all alone in the room with a mirror and a plastic spine thingy for company, I slid off the bed to get dressed and compose myself when I suddenly caught sight of myself in the full length mirror. What met my eyes was a horror show to say the least.......... I had faked tanned the night before so that I looked sun kissed, unfortunately due to the lack of mobility I hadn't quite rubbed it in on the back of my legs so I now had sort of Marmite coloured stripes all down the back of my thighs, as if this wasn't bad enough I realised that my "sensible" pants had a bloody great hole right in the middle of my bum cheeks AND they were inside out. At this point he knocked on the door and came in only to find me trying desperately to get behind the screen so that I could get  my jeans back on .
I am sure he must of been to the school of not saying the wrong thing because he said nothing  as if not a thing had happened and he had seen nothing. I should of known that my gob would take over and rather than also saying nothing I launched into a huge story about why my pants were inside out and had a huge hole in them, and how difficult it is to find good quality knickers these days that didn't rip. (don't ask how I know about knickers ripping, i am really not that sort of girl I promise).
It was at this point that I finally came out from behind the screen from getting dressed and realised to my complete embarrassment it wasn't the doctor but a young trainee who had only popped in to tell me to come down to reception when I was all done.
If there is one thing I am really good at it is making an exit when under complete humiliation, I thanked him and commented him on what a nice shirt he had on then promptly left the room willing with all my might that my sexy wiggle would return in case he watched my swagger down the corridor.
My whole theory of wearing sensible knickers has now been lost and next time I will be trying the female boxer pants look which quite frankly make my legs look shorter but at least they do not have any holes in them.
I wonder if as I get older I will just have to except that I will do even more stupid thing in my life, and actually is it such a big deal and do I really care. I always envy the small children who can throw themselves on M&S shop floor and have a huge tantrum, the times that I have wanted to do that when I have been stood in a queue for too long.
 Maybe I will try it next Saturday when I am out shopping ..... who wants to come with me ??????????????

See you all soon and thanks once again for reading this mad journey I am on. XXXXXXXXX