Tuesday, 31 July 2012

My Olympic Dream (Part 2)

Our Tickets
I have no idea how to start this blog other than to say "WOW". That is the only description I can give to our day at the Olympics on Sunday. From start to finish everything ran like clockwork, the trains were all on time, we all got seats and everyone was so happy. The atmosphere on the trains and in London was electric. Hundreds of volunteers lined the streets to help you find your way to the Olympic Park and were all happy to welcome you. I was fully expecting it to be a bit of a nightmare travelling up there but I was proved wrong at every corner.

Once in the very strict security tents, which I have to say were better than some airports I have been too. We were greeted by many soldiers and police. The Teenager was quite in awe of the young guys all in uniform and I noticed that she turned several heads as she sauntered through the barriers to have her bag checked. She had gone for the Kate Middleton look wearing skinny jeans and a GB polo top with a pair of converse trainers. Being 5ft 10in with long brown hair down to her bottom she looks a lot older than 15. The Hubby was not impressed with her admirers and shot them a dirty look as we left.
As for me....well I had my own admirer.....one of the sniffer dogs took a particular liking to me....Think it was probably my cankles (definition= calves and ankles merged into one body part) that attracted him to me as he sniffed and licked me. The soldier in charge of him apologised and said he could probably smell my dog, but I still think he was thinking what tasty morsels my cankles looked.

As we left the tents and entered the park we were all taken aback by the size of everything. All nationality's were mixing together like we were all at this amazing party together. We sat in the rain and had lunch and laughed as I happily dunked my chips into a pot of ketchup only to be told it wasn't ours and it was from the people before....Ewwww !!

1pm came and it was time for us to go into the Water Polo arena, The Hubby was like a 5 year old and the smile didn't leave his face the whole time we were there. He met lots of old friends from the past all coming to watch the same thing. We were watching Australia V Italy and Hungry V Serbia. As we stood in the queue a loud voice echoed down the crowd....Someone was calling The Hubby's name, as we turned round a big Aussie bloke came running through and hugged us all. Turned out he was the guy that The Hubby had stayed with in Australia for 2 years whilst playing Water Polo. His son was in the Australian team and the whole family were over here to support him. The saying "What a small world" couldn't of been truer at that moment.

Once in the arena we found our seats easily and settled down to enjoy the afternoons events. I must at this stage warn anyone who is expecting a wholesome family written piece to log off now as what I am about to write and show you is not for anyone under the age of 18 or with a weak heart.

As you all know from my last blog, I used to go and watch The hubby play Water Polo all the time so you would think I would know what was coming ......How wrong was I.........The teams came out onto the poolside in their country's robes and all stood along the side of the pool to be introduced to the crowds.

They then turned round and began to de-robe. It was at this point it all sort of went in slow motion, I actually felt like I was at a Chippendale's concert (not that I have ever been to one) as they peeled of their robes and paraded up and down in front of us. The women in front took a sharp intake of breath and I noticed she was secretly taking the same pictures that I was. As she caught me looking she winked and said "not often you get to see that is it". I at this stage announced that I wrote a blog and my pictures were all in the name of research and that I had many people waiting to see the results. (Liar, liar pants on fire) screamed through my ears.

The seats we had were perfect as we were right in front of where they all sat waiting to get in the pool. I cant say I took much notice of the game as for some unknown reason my eyes couldn't leave the area in front of me. The Hubby at this stage told me to stop gawping and wipe my chin as I was dribbling. BUSTED!!!

I did at one point wonder what would of happened if I had accidentally fallen over the small barrier separating us and them and fainted in front of them. Would they carry me off into the changing rooms and attempt to give me the kiss of life or would they just all look at me and call the on site medics. Once I had spotted the medics I changed my mind immediately and decided that it maybe wasn't such a good plan and I should just sit in my seat and stop behaving like a dog on heat.

Strangely enough the matches went very quickly and before I knew it we were back on the train and heading home.

Anyway back to more family style writing......We had a totally amazing and brilliant time and I am very aware that I will never get to go to an Olympic games in this country in my life time again. I am so glad that I didn't listen to the people who told me that it was irresponsible to take the kids up there due to all the terrorists threats and that we followed our hearts and gave them a truly fabulous experience.

And I am glad that I was able to report back my findings (with photo evidence) about the different styles of Budgie Smugglers and how to wear them successfully. Think that this pair for instance have missed out the letter K after the word HUN.

I am off to add Swimming Pants Adviser to my CV and hope that one day in the future someone spots my keen eye for a good pair of pants..............I know, I know....As If...........But Hey.......A Girl Can Dream.

Lots of love

Monday, 30 July 2012

Silent Sunday 29th July 2012

Silent Sunday 29th July 2012

This is a Silent Sunday post as inspired by Mocha Beanie Mummy. Check out the rest of the entries using the tag #silentsunday on twitter.

Tuesday, 24 July 2012

Olympic Dream (Part 1)

Ever since I can remember I have loved the Olympics. I can still see my Dad watching them with a sort of glazed look in his eyes as if he was actually taking part. This always fascinated me and I joined in watching them with him. He used to stay up until the early hours sometimes and occasionally I would sneak down to see what was going on. Not that he ever knew this as I would sit at the living room door very quietly.

When I met The Husband he was playing Water Polo for Great Britain and that in itself was a complete turn on. I would go to almost every match and watch him thrashing around in the water with a ball and cheer so loudly when he scored a goal. I used to think that the little ear protectors were microphones and that the coach was screaming instructions at the boys. Watching him play was one of the proudest moments of my life and to this day I am still so immensely proud. (It had nothing to do with 14 men in skimpy little swimming pants of course)..

On Sunday 29th July, I will be ticking off one of my Bucket List items. It is something I never dreamt would come true and I am smiling even before I have typed it........I am actually going to..........THE OLYMPICS.....Yes indeed, myself, the Hubby and the kids are all off up to London to watch 2 matches of Water Polo. Now I know that its not the opening ceremony or the track and field which is what I would of loved to watch but it doesn't matter.

When we got the email saying that we had been successful in 1 of the 8 events that we had chosen I couldn't believe it when it said Water Polo. I mean what are the chances of that, its not like they would of remembered the Hubby or that we had a hot line with Lord Coe. It was just fate.

The Hubby got home from work and I sat him down to break the news to him. When I told him what we were seeing he actually had tears in his eyes. Which then in turn made me cry and then the kids got all emotional too. This means so much to him I cannot even begin to tell you.

This is The Hubby in his GB Trackie. Check out that hair!!!
It has been 20 years since he played for his country but I can still see the pride in his eyes and the fact that he is taking us with him is just a bonus.

I will of course blog about the whole experience and take some pictures to go with it. And even though we are not seeing Great Britain play I will be waving my flag and cheering just like I used to.

And I promise I will not be looking at the 28 men (plus substitutes) in tight budgie smugglers..........What!!!!!..........Oh OK, well maybe I might just take a sneaky look in the name of research you understand.

Lots of Love


Sunday, 22 July 2012

Silent Sunday 22nd July

Silent Sunday 22nd July 2012

This is a Silent Sunday post as inspired by Mocha Beanie Mummy. Check out the rest of the entries using the tag #silentsunday on twitter.

Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Houston.. We Have A Problem

On the 21st July 1969 at 02.56 GMT Neil Armstrong stepped out onto the Moon's surface, in the Sea of Tranquility, nearly 20 minutes after first opening the hatch on the Eagle landing craft he became the 1st man to walk on the moon. His words will live forever..""That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind."

On the 17th July at 13.00 GMT The Northern Mother stepped out onto her own version of the moon........Nearly 10 minutes after opening the car door of her Honda Jazz she stepped out onto........A Treadmill at the local gym. Her words were slightly different..."Oh Sweet Jesus, Its moving, what do I do"??

She then began to impersonate Neil Armstrong with what I can only describe as a sort of knees up kind of slow motion walking thing. All she was missing was the space suit. As she cranked the speed up to a whopping 2.4 Km/h she then transformed into Micheal Jackson as she started to moonwalk backwards. "Mum..Mum...Walk normally" I shouted at her. "Listen...I'm not used to this, be patient with me" was her reply. What wasn't she used to...Walking or doing a MC impression.

Luckily the gym was empty (the main reason I took her at 1pm), and nobody saw the above mentioned (except the CCTV cameras that are placed all over the ceiling). Just as she mastered the art of not belonging to the Ministry Of Silly Walks she suddenly decides that she needs to go faster, now this should of been fine but she hadn't banked on having to let go with one hand to hit the speed button with the other. As she let go with her left hand the right hand grasped the side bar and she sort of leaned into the control panel almost hitting the emergency stop button, at this stage I had visions of the Ronnie Corbett Amarillo video flashing through my head. "Oooooo, look at me" she yelled in delight "I'm going at 3.9 Km/h now".
"What are you doing"? she enquired looking quite content with herself.
"Ummmmm...About 7.2" was my reply. Crushed by my answer she snorted at me, called me a show off and carried on with her strange walking work out.

After a full 10 minutes of her 1st exercise regime she flapped her arms at me to help her make it stop. The machine slowed down until it came to a halt. "Phew.....I am knackered" she said. "Right...Shall we go for a swim now"!!

Thank God I had met her there and had actually finished my workout otherwise I too would of just done the quickest gym session known to man. We did try to get her on a bike but with her dodgy knees she couldn't bend them properly to cycle. She commented that she had burnt a massive 40 calories off and asked what she could eat afterwards as a reward. I replied that fresh air was probably the only thing.

Shes all set to go back again next week and do her 10 minutes hopefully increasing it to 30 minutes of exercise. And I will be there right by her side to encourage and snigger (under my breath of course) whilst she continues to be the first woman to walk on a treadmill without actually moving very much.

Lots of Love
Me xxx

Sunday, 15 July 2012


This is a Silent Sunday post as inspired by Mocha Beanie Mummy. Check out the rest of the entries using the tag #silentsunday on twitter.

Thursday, 12 July 2012

Tick Tock

I have a clock on my mantle piece, its a beautiful clock which not only tells the time but shows the day and the date. Each morning I come downstairs before everyone else and I turn the little handles on the side to move it on to the correct day. Usually I like this task, it signifies a brand new day where anything could happen and usually I don't mind this.

This week however I am not liking it......Not liking it at all. As the days move on from one to the next all I can see is the dreaded date of Thursday 19th July fast approaching. In the grand scheme of things this day is not really a big deal, I am not off to hospital for anything serious neither am I going to a funeral. You see, to others Thursday 19th is just like any normal day really except for me its a huge day and means only one thing. ........The Whirlwinds last day at Primary school.

I can remember when it was The Teenagers last day at little school, we went to the Leavers Assembly and I cried along with all the other mums. But in the back of my mind was this little safety net which meant that I still had 3 years before I even had to think about this being my youngest child leaving. Well now its nearly here, I just don't know where the time has gone. One minute we were wrestling him into the school doors and now I want to wrestle him to stay 11 forever and stop growing up so fast.

I cannot say that his Primary Education has been easy because it has not. He was never one of those kids that loved going to school each day and would only go because I told him once when he was very little that if he didn't go I would get arrested and sent to prison for 25 years. I think the idea of having nobody to cook, clean, wash his clothes and dare I say it.....tuck him in at night was all too much for him.

He says he is looking forward to being at big school and has even decided that it really isn't cool to take his Lego in a Tupperware container any more as was once suggested. Instead we are now buying him shirts and ties and much stationary. He doesn't want a themed lunchbox anymore or a Marks & Spencers school bag instead he wants a Gola bag and a carrier bag for his lunch. His hair has gone from long and floppy into a shorter style which I think will eventually be styled into that hideous flicky Justin Annoying Beiber look.

I know that once up at big school we will be into the revolting boy teen years and all that comes with it. I will be using this summer holidays to mentally prepare my mind and my body for the onslaught that can only be described as the grunting/smelly/argumentative/pulling my hair out phase and I will be primed like a missile for September.

In the meantime I will get up and wind my clock each morning and I will probably shed a tear occasionally as I realise that Thursday 19th July wasn't really the big day. It is in fact Wednesday 5th September when his grown up adventure really begins and I loose my little Whirlwind to the big wide world of Secondary school.

And just as I have been for the past 11 years I will continue to nag guide him in the right direction and make sure that he turns out to be a respectful,happy and caring young man.

Lastly, let me leave this important thought with you all. Remember this.........Be good to your kids, be caring to your kids and Look after your kids.........Because one day its them who will choose your nursing home.!!!!!

Lots of Love

Sunday, 8 July 2012

Essex Girl.....After The Tan Has Faded

Well that's it, it's all over. The Essex party has been and gone. In my previous blog I talked about the preparations to turn myself from Little Miss Stay At Home Mum into Little Miss Glamour Puss.
I began getting ready at 4.30.......Yes.....That's right 4.30. I know, I know that's incredibly early but trust me there is a lot of me to get ready. The buffing and tanning had been done the night before which then involved me changing all my bed sheets the next day as I revealed a perfect tan imprint of myself. YUCK!!!

Next was the make up. A smokey eye for me (or rather 2 smokey eyes as one would just look stupid). I had practised this as you all know so I felt quite experienced in the whole procedure.
The Teenager sat by my side watching and criticising helping as I plastered applied the black/brown/grey powder to my eyes. It suddenly struck me as I held my eyebrow up in the air to get a smoother finish that the reason the smokey eye looks so good on those younger girls is because they haven't approached that droopy eyebrow thing that has suddenly happened since I turned 40.

I DO NOT believe in fake eyelashes.
OK, so eyes done, liquid liner on.......All going well........Then its the eyelashes.......This is where it all started to go wrong. Like a curse had been placed on me by the eyelashes themselves.
As I started to stick the right one on I realised that I had lost the left one, all the furniture was pulled out as we searched the carpet for the little bugger. 20 minutes later I had decided that it was doomed and possibly fate seeing as the lash that was on was now sliding off..... "LOOK" said The Teenager "There it is" she pointed "Its stuck in your fringe" and there it was, perfectly embedded in my hair all doubled over and broken. So that was that, no fake eyelashes for me.

The hair was next which turned out to also go horrible wrong (I can almost hear my hairdresser groaning that "I told you to come in here and have it done"). First style looked like I had had a shaggy perm.
Second looked like Diana Ross (courtesy of the new Remington Curling Wand) so it was washed again and the straighteners came out. Not what I planned but at least it looked OK.

Next was the dress which in my head looked fine, as I walked out the door and caught a glimpse of myself in the porch window I realised that maybe an under the bust belt thingy probably wasn't the best of ideas as I looked about 6 months pregnant. But by then it was too late, so I reluctantly got into the car moaning that I looked fat and that maybe I should go and change. The Northern Mother who was dropping me down there didn't help the situation when she said "Don't be ridiculous, you don't look pregnant....Your far too old to be having a baby". GREAT TACTFUL AS EVER.

As the party started and old and new faces danced along together, I realised that it really didn't matter as all my friends loved me just the way I was. The Husband said he thought I looked gorgeous and I finally relaxed. There were many many funny moments during the evening including a first for me......

Actual handbags from last night.
1.Actual Dancing Around A Pile Of Handbags....Something that I had never done as a youngster.

2. Kicking my sparkly shoes off and dancing with a very dear friend of mine like we were at Glastonbury bare footed and not giving a damn.

3. Going to the loo and realising just in the nick of time I had loo paper stuck to my bare foot (I cant believe I went into a toilet with bare feet, what was I thinking)

My neighbours stunning shoes.
4. Being very proud and "Well Jell" all at the same time as my gorgeous neighbour managed to not only stay in her glittery shoes but danced all night in them.

5. The Birthday girl coming over to ask me if she looked OK only for me to have to tell her that her fake eyelashes were slipping into her Vodka.

I had a great time with the hubby and all of our friends and we partied the night away until midnight. As the two of walked home eating our cakes under a big umbrella in the pouring rain, we held hands and hummed the tune to Singing In The Rain. Everything was perfect and very romantic........And then as if I hadn't had enough bad luck at the beginning of the evening..................I stepped in a huge puddle which went up to my ankles and soaked the bottom of my dress as well as then having to walk home with squelch sparkly flip flops.......

So there we go, part 2 of the Essex Event of the year. I have to say I admire these girls who make it look so easy. I honestly wouldn't have the time or patience to do it every Friday and Saturday night.

So with that in mind I am off to put all the bling away and hang my dress up until I have lost 7 stone.

Thanks for reading

Lots of Love
Me xxx

P.S A special thank you to the 2 gorgeous ladies who made me feel almost famous last night and made me realise why I write this blog. You know who you are xxxxxxxx

Silent Sunday 8th July 2012

Silent Sunday 8.8.12

This is a Silent Sunday post as inspired by Mocha Beanie Mummy. Check out the rest of the entries using the tag #silentsunday on twitter.

Friday, 6 July 2012

Essex Girl.

Today is Friday and I am currently in a state of panic. Tomorrow is my friends 40th Birthday Party, this will not be a normal party by any means. This party has......A Theme.......Not just any theme.....But a Essex Theme.

I am not ashamed to say that I am one of many of my friends who just loves watching TOWIE (The Only Way Is Essex). So with this in mind that's what she has decided to go for.
My itinerary for today involves the purchasing of more fake eyelashes.I had some but unfortunately whilst practising I got them stuck to my linen trousers which then left a black fluff all over them.

I will then be attempting to find some jewellery that doesn't make my neck, finger and ears go green.

The real work starts tonight, with the dreaded fake tan going on. Now, I am what I like to think a bit of an expert with the whole application of tan thing but on this occasion I am going to have to go a shade darker than normal. It has struck me today that I am supposed to be going shopping with The Northern Mother on Sunday and I may resemble an Ompa Loompa at this rate. So with this in mind I have a cunning plan.....Apply normal amount of tan and then top up with a less permanent one on Saturday afternoon.

 Fingers crossed it wont react with the real one and end up going green like the Ompa Loompas hair colour!!!

I have gone for a rather beautiful Maxi Dress for this party due to the fact I refuse to wear anything that makes me look fatter than I already am. I have tried on many..many...many dresses but wanted to cry when I looked in the mirror. So I was thrilled when I saw this one in Monsoon and as if by some fluke its a size 14. Now, I haven't been a size 14 since I was 15 and I very much doubt I am now, good old Monsoon and there generous sizes. I might even cut the label out and stitch it back on the outside for everyone to see.

My C-Section belly will be well and truly tucked in to the wonder known as Spanx Pants. These little..sorry....massive beauties will be my savour tomorrow night. To look at they are the most unattractive pair of apple catchers I've ever seen but as long as my dress doest catch fire and fall off I think I will be fine.

So there we go, I'm all set and raring to get my outfit on and hopefully look fabulous. The Husband is looking forward to getting all dressed up and partying the night away. We have no kids either that night as The Northern Mother is having them. This gave The Husband a little twinkle in his eye when I mentioned we would have the house to ourselves. Bless him, hes in for such a shock when we get home and I start to DE-fabulous.....Off will come the fake lashes, smoky eye shadow, lip gloss, nails and hair piece, the strapless scaffolding bra will release the boobs and off the Spanx pants will come so my belly goes back to being a bit wobbly. And then i will have the horror of the non permanent fake tan that may of gone a bit streaky by this time.

Never mind, once I get my comfy PJ's on, make cups of tea and toast for the both of us hopefully he will still love me and find me as fabulous ever.

And if not, well.....................TOUGH....I am not going through all that again let me assure you.

Lots of Love
Me xxx

Sunday, 1 July 2012

Silent Sunday July 1st

Silent Sunday 1st July 2012


This is a Silent Sunday post as inspired by Mocha Beanie Mummy. Check out the rest of the entries using the tag #silentsunday on twitter.