Tuesday, 8 December 2015

Is This Your Traffic Cone

I'm not going to lie to you but if there is one thing I am very good at its drinking wine.............My palate has changed over the years from Southern Comfort and Lemonade to Gin and Tonic to Prosecco and now suddenly I'm loving a nice cold Chardonnay..............I suddenly feel very grown up drinking wine and even found myself in a wine wholesale shop buying in bulk for Xmas last week.

If I'm being totally honest I haven't got a bloody clue about the whole "bouquet" thing and all I can smell is............Well..........Wine. I would imagine there are many wine buffs passing out all over the world at that statement.

The only thing I'm not a fan of is getting drunk, don't get me wrong I love feeling a little but tipsy but after watching many people over the years getting blind drunk its just not something that floats my boat...........Watching someone who's pissed as a newt can be hilarious but can also be totally embarrassing.

Here's my Top 10 tips to being a nice drunk:-

1. You suddenly remember a skill you can do from your youth - Lets face it, you might of been able to do a head spin when you were 10 but now you have boobs and gravity just doesn't allow this move anymore,

2. You think you are good at singing - YOU ARE NOT...........I REPEAT..........YOU ARE NOT.

3. Sharing you innermost feelings - Once you have said it its out there, I do not particularly want to know about how much you fantasise about Martin in accounts and neither does his wife who is at the next table.

4. Carry home a traffic cone - In what situation would you possibly need a traffic cone, and please please do not give it to me as a hat.............

5. Think you are whispering - You are not.........In fact you are being louder than if you were using the traffic cone to shout through.

6. Pole Dancing - When I say "Pole Dancing" the clue is in the name........Its supposed to be with a pole not a parking meter or lamppost.

7. Feeling the need to eat a Kebab - I can't really say anything about this other than........YUCK.

8. Invading personal space - In what setting would you normally talk to a complete stranger with your nose pressed up against theirs.

9. Making Plans - This never really happens when you can't actually remember organising to meet everyone the next day.

10. Go on a trampoline - This never ends well and usually results in the entire contents of your stomach reappearing..........Maybe that Traffic cone might be useful after all.

With Christmas fast approaching remember these top tips to avoid the dreaded phone call from your best mate the next morning saying "You wont believe what you did last night".

Lots of love